February 2012
13 posts
Lucas Klauss: Songs Brendan ruined →
lucasklauss:
“What I Like About Brendan” by The Romantics
“With or Without Brendan” by U2
“All You Need is Brendan” by The Beatles
“Someone Like Brendan” by Adele
“Single Ladies (Put a Brendan On It)” by Beyonce
“Brendan Jean” by Michael Jackson
“Total Eclipse of the Brendan” by Bonnie Tyler
“Like a Bat…
“Never look down and tip well.”
– Parent of twins advice to eating out with kids.
What's the trick
to cutting a flipping scallion so the end result doesn’t look like the molted snake skin?
UPDATE WITH VIEWER ANSWERS: 1. wait until the flipping stops 2. get a sharper knife. duh.
Step On the Gas - Bill Hicks
“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the...”
– David Sedaris, “The End of the Affair”
NYC Bike Share: Suggest a Station →
A yearly membership costs $100 though rides shorter than half an hour are free
There will be 10,000 bikes in 600 locations
Users can check bike availability with forthcoming informative apps
Users just swipe a card at the solar powered system and it unlocks the bike
Bikes can be returned to any station, making single rides and short rides easy
The first stations will be located around...
Heartless Bastards "Arrow" streaming on NPR →
January 2012
15 posts
Loosen Any Knot →
Update for Ellen
Things That Make Georgia Laugh
Stuffing socks into Daddy’s mouth
Drinking - and then choking on - bubble bath from a lima bean-shaped bath toy
Stepping on Josie’s face
Things That Make Josie Laugh
You
Me
This
That
Up
Down
Mommy’s bellybutton
“New Wes Anderson Movie ‘Moonrise Kingdom’ Looks Like a Wes Anderson Movie”
– Daily Trailer
Eureka
aaron: i figured out how to get into the water
me: you mean instead of using a water prosthetic?
aaron: yeah
me: a wheel barrel?
aaron: close
me: have someone drag you on a tarp?
aaron: (incredulous) no!
me: [waiting]
aaron: have someone give me a piggyback ride
me: like georgia?
aaron: [incredulous] no! Like josh!
me: [waiting]
aaron: someone big and strong. tara's boyfriend would be ideal
“Fuck that.”
– Aaron, to me, accompanying by the only scoff I’ve ever heard from him, after I said I wanted our girls to say Yes, Sir and M’am.
so aaron has a friend who, at their graduate program end of year megathon reading, read, instead of five minutes from “a forthcoming novel”, a list of unrealized story ideas.
one of them was something like, “a girl who only refers to her mom as ‘the mother’.”
i can’t stop laughing.
December 2011
31 posts
“a dolphin”
– aaron, to me, answering the question of what josie was in a previous life
Aaron and I are playing this game
To keep your leg, would you chop off the big toe of your twenty closest friends and family (including the girls)?
Aaron: No.
Gabe: Yes.
To keep your leg, would you change your ethnicity?
Aaron: No.
Gabe: No.
Meh
so we saw THE DESCENDENTS and it was like, okay. About 35 minutes inaron wanted to leave and sneak into, i don’t know, HAPPY FEET TWO, but I made him stay so I could pilfer anything decent for my teen tragedy novel, TK.
Turns out I had already thought of the one decent thing so we could have left.
Meaningful Glances
it’s sortof grotesque to go to the movies with me and Aaron now. Every third thing that happens we give each other these deep, soulful stares that either mean, “just like our JOSIE” or “You almost died in the WATER.” jesus, people, moveon.org, already.
“For Georgia, mamma was quickly replaced by a spoon. For Josie, mamma was quickly...”
– Aaron’s dad, to Aaron, after we left the babies at Grandma & Grandpa flag’s for the day.
“How will you know it’s Western?”
– Aaron’s mom, to Aaron, after he said, “ima get a brown Western suit, an wear it every day.”
the only thing on our wish list →
“If you don’t like something, we’ve definitely talked about it.”
– Aaron, to me, after I inquired whether we had discussed In-N-Out fries and my dismissive attitude toward them.
3 tags
Horse Piano
The idea is to get a horse, a Central park workhorse.
A horse who lives in a city, over in the hell part of Hell’s Kitchen, in a big metal tent.
You have to get one who is dying.
Maybe you get his last day on the job, his owner, his tourists.
You get his walk back home at the end of the day,
some flies, some droll. You get his deathbed, maybe.
And then, post mortem, still warm, you...
around about this time last year →
The menu the babies think they are ordering from looks something like this:
something green to smear on mamma’s arm
something red to grind into the floor
something pasty to rub in sister’s ear
Back to Back
The babies where being monsters this morning, howling and clawing at each other to get to pole position in the mom lap. Then they showed an unprecedented unreasonable streak over who got to put more of their boogery little fingers into the tiny bowl of frozen bananas.
So I ditched their asses and did a few chores elsewhere.
When I came back, all was quite murmurs and coos: the two of them...
“Is that just for looks?”
– A nice guy in our building to Aaron, joking-like, seeing him with one crutch.
Aaron then blew his mind by pulling up his right pant leg.
